..bitter tears of desperation..

jajaja.. how else could it be.. struggling with no end, because of over worried parents.. :'(

one thing that I try to figure out is about the second part of the trip by car.. if purchase and export will be possible and where to buy it. let's pray that some experienced travelers can help me out with that (found an excellent forum to post my request).

the other thing is, that Liz parents will be worrying anyway, once we start the trip, but as the
1 000 000 tear has been shed, I'm so exhausted and desperate that there is no other way as they agree to our proposition (or I will start to say good bye to this relationship, because I just can't take it anymore!!!) :'((( yeah.. it's really emotional here.. crying our eyes out a thousand times, the bed soaked with tears..

but I believe, it's all experience that has to be made and it will help me a certain moment in my life. even if it's just not worrying as their parents do, if I would be in such a situation.

the hammer came this afternoon, when I figured out that all they allow Liz to do is getting a round trip and join me somewhen in South America in the "safe" countries as Argentina and Chile and then travel by bus.. sorry, but this is doesn't get even close to the adventures I want to live with Liz! ..I mean.. what do they expect me.. to travel 12++ month by myself and then in 2 countries I can meet Liz before shy flies back to New York??!! ..HELLO!!! we are going to Switzerland after this and before getting there, I want our relationship to be proven traveling the way Liz and I prefere (what is getting a car and making WHOLE South America together).

so after getting the vibes of their parents, I don't really trust anymore in the whole situation.. I mean.. they will be fucking freaking out when she joins me.. no matter if this is tomorrow or in 6 months or in 6 years.. it's just NOT POSSIBLE according to them :'(
so there are two options for me now.. wheter say good bye to our relation (broken hearts and billions of tears, but no pain lasts forever) or having them AGREE on our plan to spend the 2nd part of the trip together, that would be South America after getting out of Colombia and still consists out of about 8-9 month (plans can varie, but let's assume it will be this ammount of time).

so yes.. we will come up with this proposition in about 2 days and I don't accept another compromise (I think, it's fucking compromising enough!) the idea of having her visiting me on my trip isn't exactly what I understand under "living love" and "growing together".

so yes.. that was a hell of an emotional rollercoaster ride we just had here and the plan born out of sheer desperation will hopefully be accepted.

I mean, there's way more about this.. one thing is: the world isn't that bad or that dangerous as most people believe out of the newspaper. So if you want to worry, worry all day long, but if you not let me life my life because of your worries, then I can hardly take it (sorry, does worry serve for anything anyway????)

second: if you don't face your fears / handle your worries, you will never change! we can only change through experience and processing this experience. So it doesn't matter when Liz parents will learn to be more at ease and calm their mind. that's why I want their word and agreement now, because I know, it won't be different in 6 month..

stress is if the outer situation doesn't match with the inner actitude.. so if you can't change the outside world, change inside. It's possible, I have done it, doing it all the time, billion of people are doing it along their way in life, so please.. don't tell me, I ask for too much.

yeah.. we gonna see.. but being stirred up to the limit, turned inside out and upside down, exhausted from being shivered through, we came up with this plan and heck, I will fight for it!!!

ah.. that helped :) haha :D ..I posted something a few days ago and deleted it again, but I think, the world earns to know this.. finally it's my diary and it shall be as complete as possible.

have a great time and gonna hear from me.. can't complain about a boring life here or too few emotions breaking up ;) and what doesn't kill you, makes you strong.. it's probably where the way I live my life is rooted. born out of the zillions of such moments I had (of different intesity) that made me the person I am and I can't complain about who I am :)

cu all!! was even thinking about to come back home with Liz, but as I feel at the moment, it's not the time right now..