Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year! :D

dear family and friends :)

I hope you had a nice Christmas and you are ready to celebrate the new year! :) ..I totally am! :D
so I went to this Party out of town the last weekend and it was really AWESOME!! :) met lots of cool people and Natasha joined me the second day (I kinda wanted to be there as early as possible and got a rideshare on Saturday). I bought a bus ticket for Natasha and happily everything worked out! ..the party had some lows.. first there weren't that many people as expected and then there was this strange story that the organizer got sued because some people drunk and smoked in the Hotel.. but overall it was a BLAST! :) and after the party ended earlier that announced, there was an afterparty at a friends place.. so we were about 10 people and had a looooot of fun in the Upstate of New York :) we drove back with our new friends, got in a traffic jam and made it finally back to Manhattan :) ..just had barely enough time to relax between the parties here ;)
Natasha bought me an Ipod (kind of my only X-Mas present this year ;) and she brought me back a beautiful pendant from Aruba (what a nice souvenir to wear and remember her!). She treated me out for dinner yesterday and we went eating Sushi :D this was the BEST Sushi I've ever had!!!! so yummi! haha :D was great.. we had raw salmon, cooked eel and a lobster.. together with a glass of sweet plum wine! my god!! this was truly wonderful and unforgettable! (since yesterday I can say, that I love Sushi! :D ..we walked through Dumbo (it's a place in Brooklyn, where you have a beautiful view of Downtown with all it's skyscrapers and lights). We went shopping and got a lot of tasty stuff.. we even visited an erotic store ;) hehe :) oh yeah.. haven't had that much sunshine in my life for a while!
I'll be missing her after all this! ..but still, I want to move on (my place is on my bike on the road). I lived so many things lately.. I feel really blessed to be on this trip... no, I really feel blessed to be on this planet, to be incarnated and having such a great life!! :D
I'm growing a lot on this trip.. normally I can't really tell how I changed, but there are quite a few things that I realize, have come to my mind! :) things that I've never thought of before and that have become so joyful now. for example the kinkiest sex on this planet! ;) haha :) yeah.. life is great! :D
I'm organizing my stuff now here.. will probably have to discard some things when I pack my bike again (and I'll be happy to be on the road with the things that I really need). Haven't played guitar for so long.. will also be good to have some time for me. want to get a bit more in shape (gained some wight lately I guess :P will have time to stretch my back and to some more fancy kung-fu stuff along the way. Will put my English on stand-by and start to refresh my spanish (oh boy.. probably have forgotten quite some of it).

well.. I'm drinking some chai here, enjoy the cozy apartment and getting (mentally) ready for tonight's party! :D

wish you all the best and my best blessings for the coming year!

hugs & kisses!!

Monday, December 21, 2009

..oh boy.. :)

hmm.. seems I have to catch up with a few things.. might leave out a lot.. happened so much!

well for the start.. I moved last night from Brooklyn to Manhattan.. now I am in a luxury suite, that I could never ever afford in my life and enjoy all the convenience one can think off ;)
unfortunately the circumstances weren't really good for this to happen.. Liz and I kept having a hard time since we came back from the Ukraine. She was totally stressed by not finding a job and getting her life together (and as I think suffering of the struggle between heart and mind). But she told me, it's her decision to stay here and I started focusing on my trip (just couldn't take it, when she moved all her stuff back to her room).
well.. then we had a lot of back and forth. I was begging to have a break.. it was just all too painful and sometimes you have to make a step to obtain change in your life. I'm don't want to break up, but I want to live the last 2 weeks here in New York in a different state of mind. I became so depressed and tired causing and experiencing all this suffering :( every day was we had an escalation in some form and I've seen Liz so hurt and angry (because having a lot of emotions that she can't control). Yes, she is MADLY in love with me and I'm sorry that the chosen form is just not healthy. To part our ways 2 weeks earlier is unfortunate, especially if the reasons are having huge problems with our relationship. But then seen for a year it doesn't make that much of a difference.. traveling I will be doing, what I'm doing now.. living.. loving.. learning and teaching. Except for knowing what pain I cause once more in Liz life (I would wish for she get's a different point of view.. feeling a love that can let go), I'm very happy here.. I have total privacy for a week. Natasha, a Russian girl that I met a week ago at a party, let's me stay here in her apartment, while she is reading books for her studies on the beach of Aruba ;) hehe :) (the way to do it!). She is an impressive person with a fascinating story how she got here from Sibiria (funny, isn't it ;) ..we had good conversations and eat super tasty food and spent some time together.. was such a relief for me!
after telling me to leave and begging me to stay, Liz can (more or less) cope with this so far.. even if the fact, that I moved in with a Russian girl didn't really please her. but there's a Psy Trance weekend to come and I feel, I want to go with Natasha.. I couldn't explain it all here, what's behind it, but it's important to her and I feel as giving a little bit back of the hospitality that I enjoy here and invite her to that place. Well.. Liz might also be there.. might be sad and angry.. I also don't like to be that ignorant about her situation, but it just doesn't work out between us at the moment :( both being super tense, waiting for a small issue to be confirmed in all the fears and worries and an emotional rollercoaster as I can't remember having had yet.. it makes me sad to see her in such a mood, being unable to be a good boyfriend (really performing bad after all that happened between us) and being miserable, making her sad an miserable seeing me like this. So even if this is a pretty hard and painful step, it might be better than continuing.. it just freaks me out and I will be running away after having desperately tried to have good time here. So I'm sorry I have to pick these two weeks for me out, but I think, it's for the best in the end.. I have not forgotten what Liz and I lived together and I understand her and the situation (ahh.. aren't wisdom and understanding such good things? ;) ..yeah.. if you want to know it in the end: it's not sure, if we would have made it together through this trip, but I would have stood up in Liz's place and dealt with her parents situation (creating a truer relationship through it). I don't like dealing with a suffering heart and never regretted a heart decision!
but Darma says that we have to go all our own personal way and that there's no way than through all this experience..

so well.. I had some good parties here in New York, met quite a lot of people (even tough that I wouldn't really hang out with them during the week --> was so occupied with relationship issues :/ but it's a really good vibe! People recognize my contact ball and I'm getting in the scene very quickly :D
NY itself as I heard is a pretty rough place. People are in a hurry and it's a lot about money.. of course.. big city. but still, beautiful with all the experience that can be made and with all the things going on (couldn't be more cosmopolitan ;)
what more.. (was troubled so many, many moments :( ..I went to see a chiropractor and went for some treatment.. was not too expensive and was good to hear, what's the current situation. so because of lower back spine problems, my hip is somehow moved back and causes pain by pressing on the nerves.. so I want to start some hoola hooping (fun and good for abdominal muscles ;) and do some exercises.. ah.. it kinda sucks, but then I can deal with it.. it's not killing me and as long I can dance on parties, I'm fine ;) the doctor is really cool.. knew what he is talking about and nice person (for me seeing almost never a doc ;)
there are some nice parks in the city (as everybody needs green space to stay well in the urban jungle ;) I had lots of good coffee and bagles :D ;) hehe :)
so.. that's it for the moment.. oh.. and we got snow here! :D there was a blizzard going on two nights ago and Sunday morning, the city was moving really slow.. hundreds of cars stuck in the snow (nobody got winter tires here :P ) and quite some accidents, as I heard.. crazy place! :)
if you want to google earth me, I'm close to the Grand Central in upper Manhattan.. it's a total awesome place! never was like this in the "heart" of New York :)

love and light to all of you and you'll hear from me! :)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

..a night in Kiev..

..and just ONE night, and then I'll be on my trip again and out of familiary closemindedness!



if you are amongst the people that took time to see me and offered their hospitality, then let me say THANK YOU to you once more!! it was just wonderful and healing my soul, these few days back home.. seeing family, friends and going out to party! :D



I made up my mind quite a lot.. one thing is, that there is no "way back" to the old plan, because after all these difficulties, I'm happy to do that trip by myself.. sorry, there is a limit of inviting in and being enthuiastic.. so in best case, Liz will join me in June.. if either she finds out, where she can buy and register a car in South America or is willed to jump on my bike.

hmm.. was really freeing to see what awesome life with awesome people I'm having back home!!! :D ..I'm glad we met (even just for a short moment) in the middle of my trip (naah.. still more than half to go ;) because you never know what happens in life..

hmm.. this morning (I started this post yesterday and finishing it before getting on our plane) is our flight back to NY.. there were some events that happened (and won't be described in here) that may make me going away as soon as possible.. thank to Liz's parents.. after this we now really need a break. (was another unsatisfying night being seperated :( ..I'm sorry, but I just DONT CARE ANYMORE what they say or what they want and seeing Liz being humiliated doesn't help changing that picture :( ..she was crying when I came back home yesterday and instead of healful cuddleing, we had to play once more hide and seek with the bedrooms.. I'm really sick of being somebody that I'm not. I started to ask myself, if I'm just a rude person that doesn't accomodate others, but I think it's more my way to bring change to this world :) I think Liz's mom should learn (and accept), that adult people may want to sleep together and have some privacy! (and I failed to deliver that message, detained by Liz)

OK.. I'm going for breakfast now :) my back hurts since days (or weeks) and I should do some exercises to stretch and build up muscles. I might be very soon in Mexico once my camera and credit card that I forgot in Switzerland :P arrive.. maybe Liz is right and she needs to organize her chaotic life by herself.