..oh boy.. :)

hmm.. seems I have to catch up with a few things.. might leave out a lot.. happened so much!

well for the start.. I moved last night from Brooklyn to Manhattan.. now I am in a luxury suite, that I could never ever afford in my life and enjoy all the convenience one can think off ;)
unfortunately the circumstances weren't really good for this to happen.. Liz and I kept having a hard time since we came back from the Ukraine. She was totally stressed by not finding a job and getting her life together (and as I think suffering of the struggle between heart and mind). But she told me, it's her decision to stay here and I started focusing on my trip (just couldn't take it, when she moved all her stuff back to her room).
well.. then we had a lot of back and forth. I was begging to have a break.. it was just all too painful and sometimes you have to make a step to obtain change in your life. I'm don't want to break up, but I want to live the last 2 weeks here in New York in a different state of mind. I became so depressed and tired causing and experiencing all this suffering :( every day was we had an escalation in some form and I've seen Liz so hurt and angry (because having a lot of emotions that she can't control). Yes, she is MADLY in love with me and I'm sorry that the chosen form is just not healthy. To part our ways 2 weeks earlier is unfortunate, especially if the reasons are having huge problems with our relationship. But then seen for a year it doesn't make that much of a difference.. traveling I will be doing, what I'm doing now.. living.. loving.. learning and teaching. Except for knowing what pain I cause once more in Liz life (I would wish for she get's a different point of view.. feeling a love that can let go), I'm very happy here.. I have total privacy for a week. Natasha, a Russian girl that I met a week ago at a party, let's me stay here in her apartment, while she is reading books for her studies on the beach of Aruba ;) hehe :) (the way to do it!). She is an impressive person with a fascinating story how she got here from Sibiria (funny, isn't it ;) ..we had good conversations and eat super tasty food and spent some time together.. was such a relief for me!
after telling me to leave and begging me to stay, Liz can (more or less) cope with this so far.. even if the fact, that I moved in with a Russian girl didn't really please her. but there's a Psy Trance weekend to come and I feel, I want to go with Natasha.. I couldn't explain it all here, what's behind it, but it's important to her and I feel as giving a little bit back of the hospitality that I enjoy here and invite her to that place. Well.. Liz might also be there.. might be sad and angry.. I also don't like to be that ignorant about her situation, but it just doesn't work out between us at the moment :( both being super tense, waiting for a small issue to be confirmed in all the fears and worries and an emotional rollercoaster as I can't remember having had yet.. it makes me sad to see her in such a mood, being unable to be a good boyfriend (really performing bad after all that happened between us) and being miserable, making her sad an miserable seeing me like this. So even if this is a pretty hard and painful step, it might be better than continuing.. it just freaks me out and I will be running away after having desperately tried to have good time here. So I'm sorry I have to pick these two weeks for me out, but I think, it's for the best in the end.. I have not forgotten what Liz and I lived together and I understand her and the situation (ahh.. aren't wisdom and understanding such good things? ;) ..yeah.. if you want to know it in the end: it's not sure, if we would have made it together through this trip, but I would have stood up in Liz's place and dealt with her parents situation (creating a truer relationship through it). I don't like dealing with a suffering heart and never regretted a heart decision!
but Darma says that we have to go all our own personal way and that there's no way than through all this experience..

so well.. I had some good parties here in New York, met quite a lot of people (even tough that I wouldn't really hang out with them during the week --> was so occupied with relationship issues :/ but it's a really good vibe! People recognize my contact ball and I'm getting in the scene very quickly :D
NY itself as I heard is a pretty rough place. People are in a hurry and it's a lot about money.. of course.. big city. but still, beautiful with all the experience that can be made and with all the things going on (couldn't be more cosmopolitan ;)
what more.. (was troubled so many, many moments :( ..I went to see a chiropractor and went for some treatment.. was not too expensive and was good to hear, what's the current situation. so because of lower back spine problems, my hip is somehow moved back and causes pain by pressing on the nerves.. so I want to start some hoola hooping (fun and good for abdominal muscles ;) and do some exercises.. ah.. it kinda sucks, but then I can deal with it.. it's not killing me and as long I can dance on parties, I'm fine ;) the doctor is really cool.. knew what he is talking about and nice person (for me seeing almost never a doc ;)
there are some nice parks in the city (as everybody needs green space to stay well in the urban jungle ;) I had lots of good coffee and bagles :D ;) hehe :)
so.. that's it for the moment.. oh.. and we got snow here! :D there was a blizzard going on two nights ago and Sunday morning, the city was moving really slow.. hundreds of cars stuck in the snow (nobody got winter tires here :P ) and quite some accidents, as I heard.. crazy place! :)
if you want to google earth me, I'm close to the Grand Central in upper Manhattan.. it's a total awesome place! never was like this in the "heart" of New York :)

love and light to all of you and you'll hear from me! :)